What to do with selfish people 

1) Accept that they have no regards for others

As annoying as it is that you’re dealing with a selfish person, you need to accept the way they are.

Otherwise, you’ll get frustrated and annoyed with their behavior.

According to Sarah Newman, MA, MFA in Psych Central, “Selfish people consume the time and energy of others and, despite what you tell yourself, there’s no end in sight to their narcissism.”

Here are some things that you need to accept about them, rather than get frustrated by:

– They won’t put your needs first.
– They won’t be thoughtful and considerate.
– They’ll purely look out for their own interests.

Once you’ve accepted these things about them, you won’t negatively react when they act selfish. Because they will act selfish.

And now you can focus on the below more important ways to deal with them.

2) Give yourself the attention you know you deserve

Selfish people only want attention for themselves. But they don’t want to give it.

And there’s no point trying to change a selfish narcissistic person. According to licensed clinical psychologist Dianne Grande, Ph.D., a narcissist “will only change if it serves his or her purpose.”

So it’s time to turn the tide and focus on yourself.

Forget about their problems that they can’t stop babbling about and focus on you.

If you’re feeling a bit down, ask yourself why. If you feel a little shabby, go and get a haircut and a massage.

You don’t have to ignore your own needs to give attention to a self-absorbed energy sucker.

It will only make you emotionally drained and you won’t be able to help out people who actually do need the help.

3) Whatever you do, don’t fall to their level

Selfish people are frustrating. They only care about themselves and they’ll manipulate you to get what they want.

While it may be difficult to not be triggered by a selfish person’s behavior, there’s no point in attacking them. As Marla Tabaka points out in INC, your “energy is better spent in a productive conversation, which you’ll find elsewhere.”

According to Timothy J. Legg, PhD, CRNP in Health Line “don’t try to beat them. Two people shouldn’t play this game.”

So it’s crucial that you keep your wits about it and don’t play their game. If you feel like they’re manipulating you so you can help them out, put a stop to it.

In the same vein, don’t emotionally react to their selfish behavior.

If they cause you to be angry or frustrated, then you’re falling to their level of toxic energy, which won’t do anyone any good.

4) Don’t give them attention

According to Margalis Fjelstad, PhD, LMFT in Mind Body Green:

“Narcissists need constant attention—even following you around the house, asking you to find things, or constantly saying something to grab your attention.”

Selfish people crave people’s attention. They constantly look for sympathy. This is why they love to play the victim.

So if you can avoid them, do it. As M.I.T. negotiation professor John Richardson says: never asked yourself first, “How do I make this deal?” Instead, start with, “Should this deal be made?” With narcissists, the answer is usually it’s not worth it.

5) Don’t just talk about what they’re interested in – talk about what interests you

Self-absorbed people can sabotage your conversations so that they only talk about themselves and what they’re interested in.

According to Preston Ni M.S.B.A. in Psychology Today:

“The narcissist loves to talk about him or herself, and doesn’t give you a chance to take part in a two-way conversation.”

Be mindful of this and don’t let it happen.

You’re not there to simply be a listener, especially when the topic of conversation is boring and it’s all about them.

Bring up random and interesting stories that you love to talk about. If they can’t handle it and want to get away from you, even better!

6) Stop doing everything that they demand you to do

There’s no getting around it: Selfish people want people to do things for them.

The kicker?

They won’t do anything for anyone else.

While it’s important to help out someone when they need help, there’s a line you don’t cross.

Preston Ni M.S.B.A. in Psychology Today offers some great advice:

“The single most important guideline when you’re dealing with a psychologically manipulative person is to know your rights, and recognize when they’re being violated. As long as you do not harm others, you have the right to stand up for yourself and defend your rights.”

If they’re constantly asking you to do things for them and they’re doing nothing in return, then you need to put a stop to this one-sided agreement.

It’s time to be assertive and stand up for yourself.

In a sensible manner, let them know that they never do anything for you and expect the world for themselves. You’re just as important as they are.

7) Don’t spend too much time with them

This is an obvious one, but many people make the same mistake over and over.

If you’re getting frustrated with how toxic and self-absorbed they are, limit your time with them.

Timothy J. Legg, PhD, CRNP has some great advice in Health Line:

“Take charge and carve out some “me time.” Take care of yourself first and remember that it’s not your job to fix them.”

Simple, right?

Sometimes you have to respect yourself and your time. They might complain that you don’t have much time for them anymore, but stand firm.

Only see them every now and then. In this way, you can keep the friendship going but you won’t be as affected by their toxic energy.

8) Hang out with people better

The people you hang out with have a huge influence on your life.

According to life hacking expert Tim Ferriss, we’re the average of the 5 people we hang out with most.

If you continually hang out with selfish people, you might become selfish yourself. Now I know and you know that you don’t want that.

So what can you do? Hang out with people who are positive and uplifting. Life is too short to spend time with toxic and selfish people!

9) End the relationship

This is a drastic step. But if this selfish person is really getting to you and they’re seriously hindering your life, then you might want to consider what life might look without them.

If this selfish person is a narcissist, it’s not out of the question that they’ll damage you emotionally.

Narcissists are all about themselves and they’ll do anything to get what they want.

As we have mentioned above, there’s not much point in trying to change them as a narcissist “will only change if it serves his or her purpose.”

Sometimes you need to look out for yourself and your own emotional health. If you feel that they have the potential to damage you, then it might be time to bite the bullet and get rid of them.

In Conclusion

Selfish people cause pain to the people around them.

They shatter hearts and cause problems for anyone.

Selfishness comes with immaturity. The most you can do is to let them stop controlling you to teach them that they’re wrong.

Let them know that they cannot control you. Hopefully, they will get the hint and go away.

Or they will realize it’s time to change.

Just keep your fingers crossed.

“Why don’t people like me?” – 17 tips if you feel this is you

Are you asking yourself, “why don’t people like me?”

Without a friend to trust or someone to call upon during tough times, life can be even more difficult than it already is.

Everyone needs someone they can turn to in life, whether that’s our family or a friend.

While we don’t get to choose our families, we can certainly choose our friends.

You may find yourself without either and wonder how you can turn things around so that people will like you again.

If you’ve crossed a line and have been put out of a family or have been double-crossed by friends, it might feel impossible to get back into someone’s good graces, but all is not lost.

You need to take responsibility for your actions and change the way you operate. Other people aren’t going to change.

You need to change the way you are around them in order to see different results.